I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
