Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
