im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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