woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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