i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
