i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
