Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
