Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
