I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
