The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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