I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Randomize
