I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
