so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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