a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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