i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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