there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize