What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
