i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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