She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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