I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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