I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
