I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
