Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
