You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
