I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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