I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
