I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
