The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
