Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
