Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
