i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
