Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
