I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
