It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
