he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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