I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
