I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Dicks are not precious.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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