I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize