i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
