After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize