I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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