dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
so much tequila, so little girl.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
