I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
