No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize