I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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