y did u give ur computer a hand job?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
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