So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
