Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Congratulations! We have a period
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