come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
two words...techno handjob
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
