If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You smell like stripper and shame
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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