I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
