did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
