i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
