y did u give ur computer a hand job?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
