My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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