they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
