I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
