Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
