Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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