thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize