im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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