we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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