I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize