I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
