so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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