i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
