I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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