Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
