My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize