Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
40s are totally the cure
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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