he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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