perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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