The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
