I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
