if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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