if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
