I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize