I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
