Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
