PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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