those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
