It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
