I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
