Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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