you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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