I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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