Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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