I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
